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Co-opting your ex in Creating a Brighter Future for your Children Following Divorce

Experienced Divorce Attorney, Chesapeake, VA 

An experienced Divorce Attorney, in Chesapeake VA bestows a clear perspective on the gentle art of getting along with your ex for the sake of your children, following separation and divorce

The messy divorce is done with, custody battles are over, collateral damage is contained, finances are on a steadier footing, you have a bright new future laying out a red carpet for you, and everything is fine. Right? Well, not entirely. There??s the itsy bitsy problem of raising children as a single parent. You begin to realize that your children stand to gain enormously if you co-opt your ex in a co-parenting agreement, however obnoxious that thought may be, giving your kids the best care that you can jointly provide.

Overcoming the mental block, forgetting the past, ignoring the chasm of differences that separates you and your ex following a divorce and custody battle

Jointly parenting children in divorce is a great solution as far as the kids are concerned, but it could open a Pandora??s Box for you. It looks almost impossible getting back on speaking terms with the partner you deleted from your life a while back. But you have to admit, the stakes are high in overcoming mutual resentment, for the sake of the kids who deserve a better deal. Divorce lawyers in Virginia suggest you begin by firmly convincing yourself that the marriage is well and truly over, but you owe it to the kids to cocoon them in a brighter future. You could envision yourself breaking new horizons where the children become your number one priority, overruling objections to bring your ex back into the larger picture.

What do divorce children gain from co-parenting arrangements?

  • An emotionally secure foundation

Partners that have agreed on a divorce parenting plan and remain bonded, lovingly to their kids, create an ambiance that encourages children to adapt better to changing circumstances, and such children emerge with their self-esteem boosted.

  • The rewards of a disciplined life

Encouraging the ex to agree to a co-parenting calendar boosts family solidarity, and interpersonal relations touch an even keel. This encourages kids to learn to follow the rules, respect the routine, enjoy the rewards, and grow stronger by leading a disciplined life.

  • Optimized problem resolution capabilities

The very fact that you have partners adhering to co-parenting rules, and are still cooperating to look after their children, becomes a learning experience for the kids ?? a valuable lesson that problems can be resolved quietly and efficiently through teamwork, and overcoming interpersonal differences.

  • Inspiration from your personal example

The cooperation you solicit from your ex imprints itself on the child, setting the tone for their future growth and mental development, impacting behavioral patterns positively.

The minimum expected of partners following a co-parenting plan

The path is crystal clear, you will be ignoring your feelings of hurt or resentment towards your ex (the hardest part), and assigning top priority to the kids, and to their happiness and well being, making their future as safe and secure as is humanly possible.

The bonus will be on constructive behavior that benefits the kids

Preoccupied as you are with feelings of intense bitterness or simmering anger, the divorce attorney, in Virginia, encourage you to display constructive behavior with laser focus on doing what benefits the kids. The negativity that envelopes the divorce can be overcome through exercise, friends and therapy.

More than the ex, it is the kids that become the focal point

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by negative memories of your marriage, focus on photographic memories of your children, and take pride in having a greater say in their development.

Your body language will need dramatic improvement

Yoga and holistic mind body therapies boost co parenting skills, besides improving your body language, as you move on with your life unshackled by the trauma, physical and/or mental, that shook your bearings.

You will isolate your child from your issues

It is vitally important to acknowledge that the child has no role to play in perpetuating your resentments or hurt, and kids must be protected from the unpleasantness that resulted in divorce.

Co-parenting tips that help you deal tactfully with the ex, without ruffling feathers

De-stressing your vibrations with the ex

Yes, the incorrigible ex will push all the wrong buttons, getting you revved up the wrong way, but you need to exercise restraint. Place a cap on the stress you take on and learn to navigate your ex emotionally, all while you focus on your child??s well being. Talk frankly with your ex, laying the ground rules to clearly define co-parenting responsibilities so you know what is expected of each other. Never allow the conversation to drift to more personal areas unless it concerns the kids.

Maintaining dignity in all communications

Apply the charm offense and ensure that nothing untoward happens, and nothing regrettable is said in the presence of the child. Communicate in a non-adversarial and friendly manner.

Being businesslike and respectful

Whether it is making a phone call, dispatching an email, exchanging messages on social media or talking face to face, one of the most resilient tips for co-parenting suggests that you treat your ex with respect. Making sure your body language is stress free and relaxed, and communicating with the same enthusiasm you would show to a close friend.

Being more accommodating, less intimidating

Pepper the conversation with gentle requests like ??Do you think this could solve the issue??, ??Could we try that solution??, ??Could you help us resolve this?? which do not become intimidating statements. Above all, don??t shy away from asking an opinion. Show you value your ex??s advice.

Being a good listener

Just like you, your ex will be equally anxious to play the parenting role to perfection, and being a good listener conveys the message that his or her opinions count, and their suggestions are respected. Single parents crushed under the burden of divorce with children need all the support they can muster, even if it means pandering the ex??s ego.

Being always on call

This is potentially the biggest task. Being available round the clock conveys the crystal clear message to the children that your world revolves around them, and you can set aside differences with your ex for their sake.

An apology sincerely delivered is an effective antidote to angst

An apology for past traumas inflicted dramatically shifts behavioral patterns from powerfully adversarial to spiritually elevating. It accomplishes what nothing else can ?? diffuses potential threats that mark relationships.

Contribute your time and attention lavishly

If the ex, or the kids, in divorce request you to spend an extra hour with them, so be it, it??s their wish, and their wish is your command. Chilling out with children heals the hurt and strengthens bonds.

Parenting through divorce, handling vital issues that impact the child??s future

  • Tackling healthcare needs

Facing a medical emergency alone or handling medical needs in isolation can be avoided if the ex can be co-opted in caring duties that primarily involve dealing with medical professionals, attending consultations and following doctor??s appointments.

  • Fulfilling educational needs

A brave new world revolves around the kids?? schooling, involving the faculty, elaborate teaching sessions, rigorous sporting events, extra-curricular activities and parent-teacher meetings where one or both parents can spare the time to be responsibly involved. Such participation can be mutually decided for the convenience of both parents. This will go a long way in laying out a stable educational foundation for the kids.

  • Handling personal finances

This could be the very problem that led to the divorce, and may continue to spread ripples post-divorce, but it would be gracious of both parents if they could arrive at a mutually agreeable plan for funding the child??s priority needs. Ideally, one partner could take care of education while the other helps in tackling health care and routine needs. In both scenarios, a budget needs to be set and carefully recorded to prevent future financial flare ups.

The Experienced Divorce Attorney, Chesapeake, VA

Beyond post-divorce decrees, it would be illogical to expect courts to involve themselves in tackling parenting issues. The best divorce lawyers in Virginia add a clearer perspective, contributing worthwhile suggestions that are not only practical but immensely helpful in mitigating child rearing problems that confront divorced parents. Experienced family law attorneys, skilled therapists and family professionals in Virginia can be solicited for help in introducing transparent and accountable measures that help partners involve their ex??s in child development.

Where, for example, an ex has serious mental and behavioral issues such as a borderline personality disorder (BPD) or bipolar disorder, a trained co-parenting counselling professionals could be engaged in executing post-divorce agreements. Where routine coexistence with the ex becomes problematic, parallel parenting techniques can be followed to ensure kids grow safely. Virginia divorce laws permit appointment of Guardians Ad Litem (GAL) to arrive at amicable co-parenting agreements that protect both partners and children.

Co-parenting brings dignity and respect to a broken relationship where the focal point shifts to the children that crave physical, emotional and financial support. The Experienced Divorce Attorney, Chesapeake, VA emphasizes unambiguously that the process of co-parenting involves tremendous personal sacrifices from the part of separated and divorced parents when they mutually agree to forge a semblance of solidarity, if only to protect and nurture their children.

Linda Shin
About Linda Shin

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