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Perks of Getting Along with Your Ex

Whether by divorce or a break-up, it is often difficult to get along with your ex. Acrimonious relations effect your entire life and even those around you. It does not have to be this way. There are perks to getting along with your ex even after a tumultuous breakup.

Divorce is often tumultuous, but it does not have to be afterward. Sometimes, there is still mutual respect between two people after a divorce. Even if there is not a great amount of love left between two exes, the choice to be civil is better than constantly fighting. No one wants to go through life still fighting with their ex years after the breakup.

  1. Children

When it comes to divorce, children are the ones who feel the long-term pain of a breakup. Unlike adults, children do not yet understand the complicated aspects of marriage and relationships. Despite a couple’s best intentions, a divorce often brings the worst out in people.

If you get along with your ex, your children will notice your harmonious situation. Getting along with your ex reassures your children that both parents still have their best interest at heart. It also makes it easier to make decisions about your children. Getting along with your ex means that you can have a more civilized conversation about your child’s welfare. Decisions about your child’s life are hard to accomplish if you and your ex are bickering.

  1. Save the friendship

Divorce happens for many reasons. Sometimes, the marriage ends for reasons outside the couple’s control. Even though the relationship or marriage is over, you do not have to stop being friends. Inside jokes, common hobbies, and even vacation spots are still enjoyable if you remain friends with your ex. You are not haunted by bad memories whenever you think of these places or things. Instead, you think about the friendship.

  1. Harmonious legal proceedings

After someone files for divorce, the couple will undergo a full divorce proceeding and a custody case if there are children. If you remain friendly, the process is much more enjoyable.

If you remain friendly with your ex, it will be far less likely that your ex will be unkind to you. Likewise, harmonious relations make it easier to navigate the process in the most equitable way possible. During a divorce, your ex is less likely to try to seek revenge. The same goes for a custody issue. Friendly relations make for better for legal proceedings.

  1. Easier to move on with your life

After the marriage breaks down, the relationship is over. Most likely, you and your ex will move on from the relationship. You will move to new places and find someone else to have a relationship with. As you move on, acrimonious exes are not likely to get along with the new people in their ex’s life.

This is difficult for children and others around the divorced couple. If you get along with your ex, you release all the baggage in your past. It is easier to move on when there is nothing negative to hold onto.

  1. Hold on to the good stuff from the relationship

After a marriage falls apart, it is hard to keep ahold of all the things that you enjoyed about the marriage. All of the sudden, you have to say goodbye to mutual friends, your in-laws, and old hobbies. If you stay friendly with your ex, it is easier to hold onto all the great things.

Just because you are saying goodbye to your ex does not mean that you have to say goodbye to everything. Getting along with your ex has its perks.

 

Co-opting your ex in Creating a Brighter Future for your Children Following Divorce

Experienced Divorce Attorney, Chesapeake, VA 

An experienced Divorce Attorney, in Chesapeake VA bestows a clear perspective on the gentle art of getting along with your ex for the sake of your children, following separation and divorce

The messy divorce is done with, custody battles are over, collateral damage is contained, finances are on a steadier footing, you have a bright new future laying out a red carpet for you, and everything is fine. Right? Well, not entirely. There’s the itsy bitsy problem of raising children as a single parent. You begin to realize that your children stand to gain enormously if you co-opt your ex in a co-parenting agreement, however obnoxious that thought may be, giving your kids the best care that you can jointly provide.

Overcoming the mental block, forgetting the past, ignoring the chasm of differences that separates you and your ex following a divorce and custody battle

Jointly parenting children in divorce is a great solution as far as the kids are concerned, but it could open a Pandora’s Box for you. It looks almost impossible getting back on speaking terms with the partner you deleted from your life a while back. But you have to admit, the stakes are high in overcoming mutual resentment, for the sake of the kids who deserve a better deal. Divorce lawyers in Virginia suggest you begin by firmly convincing yourself that the marriage is well and truly over, but you owe it to the kids to cocoon them in a brighter future. You could envision yourself breaking new horizons where the children become your number one priority, overruling objections to bring your ex back into the larger picture.

What do divorce children gain from co-parenting arrangements?

  • An emotionally secure foundation

Partners that have agreed on a divorce parenting plan and remain bonded, lovingly to their kids, create an ambiance that encourages children to adapt better to changing circumstances, and such children emerge with their self-esteem boosted.

  • The rewards of a disciplined life

Encouraging the ex to agree to a co-parenting calendar boosts family solidarity, and interpersonal relations touch an even keel. This encourages kids to learn to follow the rules, respect the routine, enjoy the rewards, and grow stronger by leading a disciplined life.

  • Optimized problem resolution capabilities

The very fact that you have partners adhering to co-parenting rules, and are still cooperating to look after their children, becomes a learning experience for the kids – a valuable lesson that problems can be resolved quietly and efficiently through teamwork, and overcoming interpersonal differences.

  • Inspiration from your personal example

The cooperation you solicit from your ex imprints itself on the child, setting the tone for their future growth and mental development, impacting behavioral patterns positively.

The minimum expected of partners following a co-parenting plan

The path is crystal clear, you will be ignoring your feelings of hurt or resentment towards your ex (the hardest part), and assigning top priority to the kids, and to their happiness and well being, making their future as safe and secure as is humanly possible.

The bonus will be on constructive behavior that benefits the kids

Preoccupied as you are with feelings of intense bitterness or simmering anger, the divorce attorney, in Virginia, encourage you to display constructive behavior with laser focus on doing what benefits the kids. The negativity that envelopes the divorce can be overcome through exercise, friends and therapy.

More than the ex, it is the kids that become the focal point

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by negative memories of your marriage, focus on photographic memories of your children, and take pride in having a greater say in their development.

Your body language will need dramatic improvement

Yoga and holistic mind body therapies boost co parenting skills, besides improving your body language, as you move on with your life unshackled by the trauma, physical and/or mental, that shook your bearings.

You will isolate your child from your issues

It is vitally important to acknowledge that the child has no role to play in perpetuating your resentments or hurt, and kids must be protected from the unpleasantness that resulted in divorce.

Co-parenting tips that help you deal tactfully with the ex, without ruffling feathers

De-stressing your vibrations with the ex

Yes, the incorrigible ex will push all the wrong buttons, getting you revved up the wrong way, but you need to exercise restraint. Place a cap on the stress you take on and learn to navigate your ex emotionally, all while you focus on your child’s well being. Talk frankly with your ex, laying the ground rules to clearly define co-parenting responsibilities so you know what is expected of each other. Never allow the conversation to drift to more personal areas unless it concerns the kids.

Maintaining dignity in all communications

Apply the charm offense and ensure that nothing untoward happens, and nothing regrettable is said in the presence of the child. Communicate in a non-adversarial and friendly manner.

Being businesslike and respectful

Whether it is making a phone call, dispatching an email, exchanging messages on social media or talking face to face, one of the most resilient tips for co-parenting suggests that you treat your ex with respect. Making sure your body language is stress free and relaxed, and communicating with the same enthusiasm you would show to a close friend.

Being more accommodating, less intimidating

Pepper the conversation with gentle requests like “Do you think this could solve the issue?”, “Could we try that solution?”, “Could you help us resolve this?” which do not become intimidating statements. Above all, don’t shy away from asking an opinion. Show you value your ex’s advice.

Being a good listener

Just like you, your ex will be equally anxious to play the parenting role to perfection, and being a good listener conveys the message that his or her opinions count, and their suggestions are respected. Single parents crushed under the burden of divorce with children need all the support they can muster, even if it means pandering the ex’s ego.

Being always on call

This is potentially the biggest task. Being available round the clock conveys the crystal clear message to the children that your world revolves around them, and you can set aside differences with your ex for their sake.

An apology sincerely delivered is an effective antidote to angst

An apology for past traumas inflicted dramatically shifts behavioral patterns from powerfully adversarial to spiritually elevating. It accomplishes what nothing else can – diffuses potential threats that mark relationships.

Contribute your time and attention lavishly

If the ex, or the kids, in divorce request you to spend an extra hour with them, so be it, it’s their wish, and their wish is your command. Chilling out with children heals the hurt and strengthens bonds.

Parenting through divorce, handling vital issues that impact the child’s future

  • Tackling healthcare needs

Facing a medical emergency alone or handling medical needs in isolation can be avoided if the ex can be co-opted in caring duties that primarily involve dealing with medical professionals, attending consultations and following doctor’s appointments.

  • Fulfilling educational needs

A brave new world revolves around the kids’ schooling, involving the faculty, elaborate teaching sessions, rigorous sporting events, extra-curricular activities and parent-teacher meetings where one or both parents can spare the time to be responsibly involved. Such participation can be mutually decided for the convenience of both parents. This will go a long way in laying out a stable educational foundation for the kids.

  • Handling personal finances

This could be the very problem that led to the divorce, and may continue to spread ripples post-divorce, but it would be gracious of both parents if they could arrive at a mutually agreeable plan for funding the child’s priority needs. Ideally, one partner could take care of education while the other helps in tackling health care and routine needs. In both scenarios, a budget needs to be set and carefully recorded to prevent future financial flare ups.

The Experienced Divorce Attorney, Chesapeake, VA

Beyond post-divorce decrees, it would be illogical to expect courts to involve themselves in tackling parenting issues. The best divorce lawyers in Virginia add a clearer perspective, contributing worthwhile suggestions that are not only practical but immensely helpful in mitigating child rearing problems that confront divorced parents. Experienced family law attorneys, skilled therapists and family professionals in Virginia can be solicited for help in introducing transparent and accountable measures that help partners involve their ex’s in child development.

Where, for example, an ex has serious mental and behavioral issues such as a borderline personality disorder (BPD) or bipolar disorder, a trained co-parenting counselling professionals could be engaged in executing post-divorce agreements. Where routine coexistence with the ex becomes problematic, parallel parenting techniques can be followed to ensure kids grow safely. Virginia divorce laws permit appointment of Guardians Ad Litem (GAL) to arrive at amicable co-parenting agreements that protect both partners and children.

Co-parenting brings dignity and respect to a broken relationship where the focal point shifts to the children that crave physical, emotional and financial support. The Experienced Divorce Attorney, Chesapeake, VA emphasizes unambiguously that the process of co-parenting involves tremendous personal sacrifices from the part of separated and divorced parents when they mutually agree to forge a semblance of solidarity, if only to protect and nurture their children.

My Spouse Filed for Divorce: Do I Need a Lawyer Now?

Divorce is hard on everyone involved, but especially so if the divorce isn’t friendly, which is true in most cases. If your spouse filed for divorce, then you are probably wondering if you need a Virginia Beach divorce lawyer in your corner when you go to court. The answer isn’t all that simple, because in some cases a Virginia Beach divorce lawyer really isn’t needed. Read on below for some instances when you should hire a divorce lawyer right away.

Child Custody/Child Support Issues

If there are problems with who is going to have custody of your children or how much child support will be paid, then you will need a lawyer in your corner. Child custody and child support issues can get ugly and it’s better to have lawyers who can maintain the peace.

If You Fear You are in Danger

If you are coming out of an abusive marriage, then it is a good idea to have a lawyer take care of your divorce for you. If you are afraid that your spouse will do something to intimidate you into not going through with the divorce, then your lawyer will handle everything and you should not have to see your estranged spouse at all.

You Live Out of State

In many cases, the divorce will be filed for when both parties live in different states. It is best to have a divorce lawyer in this case, so that all of the laws are followed and no problems occur.

What Makes Military Divorce in Virginia Unique?

If you are one of the over a million Americans who are serving your country, or if you are married to someone who is military, and filing for military divorce in Virginia, then you will soon realize that getting a divorce in the military is different from filing for divorce as a civilian. Read on below for some reasons that filing for a military divorce in Virginia is unique.

Filing for a divorce when you are in the military, involves questions that civilian couples don’t face. Questions such as where are you going to file for divorce at and what jurisdiction are you under to file, are common, since most military couples are in different areas.

Child custody and child support issues are different in a military divorce as well. Just like civilians, soldiers are required to support their children. The military even has sanctions and punishments for active duty members who do not abide by the child support, custody, and visitation that is set up by the courts.

It is important for a military couple filing for divorce to seek legal help. While it may be simple for a civilian couple to go to court and get the matter over with, the military is a little different. Unless you or your spouse has only been in the military a very short time, you will not want to sign anything until you talk to a reputable military divorce lawyer in Virginia that is knowledgeable about military law and what it takes to get a divorce.

Preparing Yourself for the Divorce Process

Although each case is different, it’s important to consult with a Virginia Beach family law attorney prior to filing for divorce. Divorce will have many repercussions in your life, and it’s important to understand what to expect before initiating the proceedings.

One of the most common questions surrounding preparation for the divorce process has to do with cost. Although this is a completely reasonable question, the final cost of your divorce will depend on a number of factors. The actions of your spouse and his or her attorney, for example, can significantly influence how soon you will have a final divorce decree. Likewise, the extent to which you and your spouse disagree over critical issues like child custody will impact your timeline. Consult with your Virginia Beach family law attorney at the outset to determine the cost of the retainer. Your attorney may also be able to inform you about a reasonable quote and timeline for your case, although this is not final.

To prepare yourself for the divorce process, you can do some of the leg work related to property division and debt division. Make a list of all marital property and marital debt, along with documents to back that up. Having this in hand when you meet with your Virginia Beach family law attorney can help to streamline the process of property division in court.

While there is no way to completely prepare yourself for the emotional roller coaster known as divorce, consulting with a lawyer early on in the process can give you an idea of what to expect. You may wish to initiate your case with a separation agreement, for example, and this document can be drafted by your attorney. To get specifics for your case, consult Linda Shin, an experienced attorney at the Cedar Law Center, at 757-490-7802.

How Will My Divorce Be Impacted By Tax Implications?

Heading into a divorce, it’s likely that there are many topics on your mind. Consulting with your tax accountant and your Norfolk divorce attorney may help you understand strategies and options to minimize the tax consequences of your divorce. Many people are not aware of the tax implications of various divorce decisions.

For example, if spousal support is awarded in your case, the payments are typically deductible by the person making the payments and taxable for the person receiving them. Child support payments, however, are usually not deductible or taxable.

One of the most important pieces of the division of property has to do with retirement plan benefits. The most common method of handling these tax-deferred benefits is known as a qualified domestic relations order. This establishes an alternate payee’s right to receive some or all of the plan benefits. This order does not necessarily require that an IRA be divided, and it’s important to understand that there can be serious tax consequences associated with division of an IRA.

This highlights the importance of hiring a Norfolk divorce attorney and a tax accountant to help you understand tax implications. If IRS-approved methods for the IRA transfer are used, for example, penalties and taxes can be avoided. If the transfer takes place before the divorce or separation is final, though, and special care is not taken to minimize tax consequences, the IRA owner may be responsible for taxes on the distribution even if some of those funds are being paid to the other spouse.

Tax issues can be complex and confusing, which is why you should always work with an experienced Norfolk divorce attorney in conjunction with your accountant to understand and prepare for possible tax consequences of your final divorce arrangements. Contact Linda Shin of the Cedar Law Center today at 757-490-7802 to learn more about the tax implications and consequences of your Virginia divorce.

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